Winter Solstice
by Iulia
Summary: An early Christmas SasuSaku Fic. :


**Author's Note: **An early Christmas Fic… because it's Christmas and I'm unbelievably happy (no kidding)… and omghappyholidays!! *spazz* (Thank you Miko, for this fic's title. XD) Hope you guys like it. ^_^

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto

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**Winter Solstice

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_Silent Night, Holy Night…_

The choir is talented, their singing soft and melodic, like velvet brushing against velvet. (_A play, Sasuke, a Nativity play!) _But to you, their voices sound like the grating friction of fingernails against a blackboard, only inciting a pounding headache that leaves you wishing for a swift, swift end – to yourself, or to their singing, you no longer know, and you suspect that you no longer care.

_All is calm, all is bright…_

This is not your season; this is his, and hers, and everyone else's – but it's not yours.

Your friends seem to think otherwise, though, as they have dragged you into this infernal play. (_Watch it with us, Sasuke, it's Christmas, you shouldn't stay cooped up in your house!) _And it infuriates you that they – _traitors, both of them –_ seem oblivious to your plight.

'_Round yon virgin mother and child…_

(_Please?_, she asks, looking adorable with her pale, pale, skin, and red, red cheeks, a stray snowflake atop her nose) And you can only hate yourself even more for being too damn _weak_ to disagree.

_Holy infant so tender and mild_

The mother cradles the infant in her arms as the doting father watches over them protectively – a painful reminder of things you lost (_Your father talks only about you…)_ and things you no longer deserve (_You almost killed her, you bastard). _You glance at her for a second, only out of the corner of your eye, maybe to assure yourself that you did not kill her after all, that you're not still stuck in a nightmare.

You see that she looks alive, her cheeks aglow in joy and her eyes alight in a serene, thoughtful expression, and you find yourself breathing a sigh of relief.

_Sleep in heavenly peace_

Then, actors disguised as angels descend from the makeshift sky, and_ y_ou suddenly feel suffocated by the promise of salvation, asphyxiated by hope of redemption – they're all lies_lies_lies, your brain insists.

(_But it's Christmas, nobody should be unhappy on Christmas. "even you" –says that damnable voice inside your head.)_

Hope, you think as you grit your teeth and square your jaw, tighten your throat and hold your breath, is painful.

You are –this— close to vomiting.

_Sleep in heavenly peace_

An excuse, a hasty retreat, and you are outside, the cold air biting into your skin. It is a welcome relief from the cloying Christmas cheer inside the theater.

But the image of an infant, a mother, and a father is etched in your mind – _a family,_ your brain finally supplies, a taboo word that sends you into a fit of melancholy.

And you retch – the remains of your meager dinner spewing forth in a torrent of vomit, staining the sidewalk with red_red_red. For a moment, you are stunned, then you have to remind yourself that it's just spaghetti. Just _spaghetti_. That it looks nothing like blood.

(_Hope you like it, Sasuke-kun, it's my mother's recipe._)

"Sasuke-kun…"

Concern emanates from her sweet, melodic voice like rays from the sun – _but you deserve none of it_, the voice in your head reminds you.

"Are you okay?"

You are aware now of the sound of hesitant footsteps, slowly but determinedly making their way towards you. Finally, they stop, and a small hand rubs your back as you spit repeatedly, a futile attempt to rid your mouth of the bitter taste.

"Do you want to go home?"

You realize how cold your hands are when she takes them in hers, and the seeping warmth almost burns.

"Do you want to go home?", she asks again, offering relief at her own expense (_she was enjoying herself, you selfish bastard_), already tugging in the direction of your stately but empty house.

A moment's hesitation, then, resolution.

"No, let's go back inside."

Hope may be painful, but it's all you have.

_Silent Night, Holy Night…_

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**Fin.**


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